Robert Sean Nelson (mahanaxar) wrote in expansion,
Robert Sean Nelson


While taking a shower Thursday evening I thought about what my future experience of death will be like (if indeed there is one). Not the actual act of dying but after. My main concern isn't exactly what 'afterlife' awaits me, but I'm troubled that death would simply be an ending of my consciousness. Of course if I were to choose the fate of my thoughts and memories I would want them to live on indefinitely, perhaps attaining a sort of absolute knowledge; as is one of the main goals of the study of gnosticism.

While thinking of the possibility of the workings of my mind simply ceasing, I became incredibly disturbed. I had to be staring at the sparkles of reflected light from the water falling from the showerhead for quite a while, since I didn't finish up until I noticed the hot water was gone.

I've found that only way to quell my fear of this situation is to keep hope that there is something than just particles and the space between them. It's a good reason religious faith persists; this fear, and since I value my individuality so vehemently that I can't bring myself to worship a deity (and life so that I'd never end mine purposefully so I can find out) I have to just enjoy the suspense.

[posted on mahanaxar, abstractthought, ravingtheosophy, gnosticism, expansion, and 2_0_1_2 to collect better quality and diversity of outside input]
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